Can You Let Her Lead?
Have you ever found yourself guilty of the general assumption that western history didn’t REALLY start until the birth of Jesus? Okay Okay, maybe we can go back to the Roman Empire and it’s conquests. That’s when what matters got going right? Or possibly Ancient Greece? Aristotle and all that? It’s a sneaky thought. It’s a thought that perpetuate the idea that prior to the birth of modern society (let’s call it the Classical Greek era for now), people were just a bunch of warring tribes made of barbarians, heathens, and savages. The history I was taught didn’t discuss how these “heathens” were actually rich, well established societies that centralized leadership, spirituality, art, and culture around women and matrilineal lines. In such a short span of a few thousand years, we effectively erased the trace of women as political and spiritual leaders from the common populous.
Since 2010, I have studied under a European bee shamanism tradition that is, at its heart, gynocentric. I mostly teach women, but I have always known that this work needs to be offered to both women and men, so last year a bee sister and I created a workshop that was inclusive to all genders. On two different occasions I invited a male friend to attend the workshop. I invited each of them because I saw how much they might love and be empowered by the work, but also how much they would bring to the table. It was an invitation. Do you want to know how they both responded? Friend “A” wrote and asked if I wanted him to teach it with me. Friend “B” didn’t even ask. He assumed the invitation was to co-facilitate, even though I was already teaching the workshop with another woman. I do not believe I miscommunicated here. Friend ‘A’ has never studied this work and friend ‘B’ has taken one workshop in England. Meanwhile, I had 9 years and 11 trips to England behind me. I do not completely fault these men for their assumption, but rather the paradigm we live under. Neither of these men would openly question my worth, my knowledge, or my expertise, but the habit to question a woman’s ability to lead is so deeply embedded in the social structure of Patriarchy, that they both assumed I was asking for their leadership. They both assumed I needed their help leading something they had no experience in.
Words like “I would love you to attend” or “I think you would be interested in this work and I could see you there” somehow got interpreted at “I would like you to teach this with me.” While I would love to co-facilitate work with men, this blatant assumption was deeply off-putting. I value the extremely hard work and dedication I have put into my work, but even as a leader in my field, I am still questioned by the subversive and undermining nature of a social paradigm that favors male authority over female authority as if it was a singular truth.
Turns out, historically, matrilineal and women-honoring cultures thrived for much longer that Patriarchy. They thrived, not at the expense of men (or the natural world), but rather as societies that honored the life-creating wisdom and power of the feminine. Dearest, beautiful men who are are partners and loves, thank you for your help and your desire to do right, but also please consider this: Can you let her lead you? Can you let her lead without turning her into your mother? Can you let her be sovereign in her sexuality and not assume it’s just for you? Can you let her lead others, without feeling emasculated in your relationship? Can you let her be powerful and a feminist without assuming that she disdains men? Can you let her shapeshift, as is her nature? Can you welcome her vulnerability and her power? Can you allow yourself to be lead and to follow? Can you allow her to be lead and follow? Can you allow roles to be fluid?
I want you. I want your kinship, your love, your eros, your leadership, your wisdom, your protection, you humor, your intellect, your magic. I want me too. I want my trust, my vulnerability, my power, my sexuality, my protection, my humor, my intellect, my wisdom, my magic. Fight for these things in me, believe in me, because I am also doing the hard work of championing a world where these things can be freely expressed in both of us.
